This Time

LETRA

This Time

I let somebody in, and then it killed me
Sometimes I hate that I always feel things
'Cause everything I care for is always leaving
Me and my heart need to have a meeting, look
Fighting all the demons that are living in my mind
Can't be looking back, when you leave it all behind
"Coulda, woulda, shoulda," yeah, I hear it all the time
I got so much to say, but all I say is, "Nevermind"
So let me let you in for a couple of minutes
Praying to God like, "Could you give me a minute?"
Forgive me for the ways that I've been living
I said that I'd be different, I know you don't see a difference, but
You gave me this life, I'm just playing the cards
Every time I pray, I don't know where to start
Grocery shopping, never filling the cart
There's food for thought, I need food for the heart, yeah
Got my hoodie up, earphones all in
I didn't go to work, I hardly call in
Told my mom, "Look, I gotta be all in"
Friends hit me up like, "When we ballin'?"
The girl I used to love, we're hardly talkin'
'Cause I'm locked and I'm chasing a dream, sleepwalkin'
I'm lost in the fact that money's just costin' me
This the life that I need, all this ink that I bleed
Is to paint you a picture they don't want you to see
That they don't want you to be, to find the happier things
Money, clothes, women all material things
Will walk out and leave, but one day you'll see
Tryna find my way on this one-way street
Staring at this road like it's you and me

I'm not gonna run this time
From what I've buried deep inside
It's time I left it all behind
So I won't, I won't, I won't
Run this time

"I love you more" to "How you been?"
Same feelings every time again
Said we'd stay friends, but we ain't friends
Yeah, come on now, really man, it feels so silly
You feel that you get me, but you don't really get me
You don't wanna talk, you think you know what I'm feeling
Oh you keep it a hundred? Okay, I'll keep it a milli
You lost out, and I'm copin'
Tryna hang these feelings, but I'm roped in
When I say I'm heartless, I ain't jokin'
Why do I keep something with me that's broken?
Losing my patience, I'm out of it
Bringing up things that I've done like I'm proud of it
Making myself, can you tell that I'm adamant?
Christmas is coming and I'm wanting all of it
If you don't get it now, you gotta get it yourself
Nobody thought I would be here, nobody thought I would sell
I look at myself, only one thing I can tell
If I could be anybody, it'd be nobody else
24/7 I'm lookin' for heaven, I wonder, am I doin' enough?
You give us this freedom to we do what we want—and this sin is just put in our cups
So tell me what I'm supposed to do, show me what I'm supposed to see
'Cause seems like everybody knows who I am and the kind of person I'm supposed to be
Finding myself in a world that is lost, my back has been living on walls
Gripping this mic like it's all that is left, without music I'm nothing at all, 'cause

I'm not gonna run this time
From what I've buried deep inside
It's time I left it all behind
So I won't, I won't, I won't
Run this time

I'm a waiter waiting on tables
Waiting for tables to turn
You live and you learn
In this life it ain't about the money that you made
But what did you earn
Did you give love or did you take it
When she said "I love you," did you break it?
When she started to cry, did you face it?
When you broke her heart, did you replace it?
Looking back at my past, I'm regretting a lot of it
All in my head, I've been tryna get out of it
Losing myself just to find who I am
Taking a leap just to find where I stand
Getting impatient, like when will I make it?
They tell me stop waiting, like go out and take it
Chasing a dream, but, like, what am I chasing?
Alone in my room, I've been constantly pacing
I look at myself and the things that I've said
Things I've let go, all the people I've kept
Investing in love, can you tell I'm in debt?
We fell so in love, like, did you forget?
Forget it, I'll pick up the mess and I'll leave it to rest
Close up the hole that you left in my chest
In love with a stranger, man, who would've guessed?
So I pick up this pen like it's all I got left

I'm not gonna run this time
From what I've buried deep inside
It's time I left it all behind
So I won't, I won't, I won't
Run this time